Ok It’s been a long time since i posted something funny(You know actually funny not rubbish with fun tag….Shit i was not supposed to tell you that.) But This time i am writing something that i saw somewhere on internet. You know it was written ” I couldn’t fail to disagree less”. And i was like ,what? Point one it doesn’t makes sense.(and point two big fail as that was the point. Get it? No? See what i am talking about.)
So how about making things a bit funny for ourselves and a bit confusier for others?
Here’s what we can do..
- Go up to a mall Santa and say that you’re going to be away for Christmas and that it would help a lot if he could water your flowers.
- Bring a chainsaw on Your job, but don’t use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say “Just in case…” mysteriously.
- Ask the person sitting next to you on bus if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.
- While at work ,put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
- If you have a dog, tell people that it is a companion dog. If people ask why, tell them that you are very lonely.
- If someone touches you, tell them to warn you next time so you can flex.
- Mention frequently that you love museums. If anyone takes the bait, respond “Madame Tuassaud’s.”
- Whenever the need arises to use the internet browser on your smartphone in public, refer to it as “surfing the tiny internet.”
- End at least one non-personal phone call a month by stating flatly, “I love you.”
- Whenever you trip in a public place, scream “NOT AGAIN” in as loud a voice as possible.
- Walk up to them, introduce yourself extremely upbeat and friendly-like and end the conversation by saying “It was nice to meet you. It’s so cool to talk to people outside of the asylum.” Then walk away.
- Follow a stranger around. If they notice, take a random small object like a brick or a bar of chocolate and hold it up to your ear, pretending to be busy conversing on it.
- If you’re under 18, sing “Too sexy for my wife, too sexy for my kids, too sexy for my mother-in-law…
- Take out a lolipop and start sucking it. When a stranger walks by, offer it to them.
- If a stranger asks you something (e.g. directions, the time of day), answer it by saying “That’s what you think” or “You don’t need to know.”
- If a stranger wants to ask you a question, exclaim “Excuse me, I’m on the phone.” Unless you actually ARE on the phone when they ask you, in which case tell the person on the other line angrily, “Excuse me, stop being so rude! Can’t you see someone’s trying to ask me a question over here?!” Then hang up (or pretend to) and tell the stranger “I’m sorry, you know how insensitive people can be. So, what did you want to ask me?” They had it coming, anyway.
- Show disgust and spit on the floor. Then, act totally surprised and try to clean it up with a handkerchief.
- If you have a pizza in a box that clearly states it’s from Pizza Hut, Mario’s, etc, or just the empty box, walk around with it declaring “Home-made pizza for sale!”
- Ask a stranger a trivial question, like the time of day. When they answer, suddenly make your expression extremely serious and sober and say. “I see. Look… I was never here, got it?” If you have any small cash on you you’d be willing to give up like a dollar or a quarter, give it to them.
- At your workbench, draw a picture of a woman (or man) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that women (men) are worthless.
- Name your dog “Dog.”
- Write “X – BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s road maps.
- Mow your lawn with scissors.If People ask, say “It’s how Mr bean does it.”
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
- Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of “Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip..”
And here it is. You will confuse many people this way.
P.S. Occasionally someone may beat you. But only occasionally.